These last two weeks have been a huge eye opener for me. I have once again been forced to re-evaluate my life. Take a really close look at myself and what I am doing. I said a phrase/ statement last night that scared me. "What if I lose my job, my job is who I am" Why do we do that? why do we feel the need to let our livlihood take so much control. Our job is part of who we are it is not all of us. I want to be happy and I want to figure out what that is on my own. I am in complete control of my life and how I want it to be. I don't have any clue where I want to be or really what exactly I want to be doing. I would like interior design to be part of it because it does make me happy. How it fits in right now, I do not know.
I haven't been the best sister, daughter, grandaughter or niece of late but I'm done feeling guilty about it. I do not want to lose any of those relationships. I want to make them better but I cant do it alone and I shouldn't feel like I have to. I give up even trying because I feel like I have to. One shouldnt feel like they have to, they should want to. I know this may not be true but that's how it feels. There are exceptions to this of course and some people in my life that try really hard to keep my head above water and I apprecitate that more then they know.
I have so many interests that its hard to focus on one at a time. I have a lot to figure out and I will get there one step at a time as cheesy as that is to say. I'm not trying to hurt anyone with this just needed to get it out, so that I can begin to work on myself. Thank you